Dear Ms. Carey: You Are Not A Scientist.

In response to a question concerning the title of Mariah Carey's new album, E=MC², Ms. Carey, genius that she is, responded with the following gem:

"It's, like, 'emancipation equal mariah carey times two.'"

The utter stupidity of this comment left me unable to breathe. Apparently being a pop superstar requires that you have an IQ no higher than your age.

Not going undergound

Animal Collective - Water Curses

2007 was a good year for Animal Collective. It saw the release of Strawberry Jam, arguably their most mature LP in their nine-year history. They toured the US and Europe approximately 14 times. They made their television debut debut on Conan O’Brien. They even got to experience the first snow in Tucson in a decade. But for all of the leaps forward the band made, they were largely overshadowed by the individual achievements of co-founding member Panda Bear (Noah Lennox). He did, after all, release Person Pitch, the best Brian Wilson album since Pet Sounds. Yup, some people rather enjoyed that one. He even emerged for the first time as a songwriting force in the band, contributing three of Strawberry Jam’s nine songs. 2007 was indeed the Year of the Panda.

Which makes it all the more puzzling (or perhaps revealing) that Panda Bear is almost nowhere to be seen on Water Curses. Rather, the four song EP (recorded during the same sessions in Tucson that yielded Strawberry Jam) serves almost as a solo outing for frontman Avey Tare (Dave Portner). Although it is admittedly difficult to connect the Collective’s sounds to individual members, there are no live drums, no additional vocalists, and sparse instrumentation throughout. In general, these songs consist of little more than Avey’s guitar or piano backed with various electronic bleeps and glitches. The result is a collection that sounds like a more refined, streamlined version of their previous album. Take the track “Street Flash,” for example. The song, a fan favorite since it was first live nearly three years ago, is driven only by Avey’s melancholy, heavily delayed guitar and a controlled chaos of electronic bleeps and glitches in lieu of a proper percussion track. Diehards may notice that the screams permeating the background first appeared in live versions of Panda’s “Bro’s,” but otherwise, this song (and the ones that follow) are strictly the Avey Tare show. That background noise, by the way, is a recurring theme here – Animal Collective has mastered the art of layering a symphony of noise without ever detracting from the big idea.

The title track is the only song here that sounds like the work of a full band – incidentally, it’s also perhaps the most immediate, danceable song the band has ever recorded. In truth, with its bubbly synth line and steel drums, it sounds downright out of place standing next to three more somber, introspective tunes. This discrepancy is the only thing that prevents Water Curses from sounding like a collection of cast-offs and leftovers. Instead, it serves as a natural bridge documentation the Collective’s transformation from the noisy SJ era to their current incarnation as a more minimal electronic outfit. In that context, they may not win any new fans with this outing, but it will no doubt be a pleasant surprise for those thought that 2008 would be a letdown from the band.

8.2/10

You might lose teeth...

Protest the Hero - Fortress

Jesus fucking Christ.

This album kicks you in the face with steel toes from the first track, "Blood Meat", and doesn't let you up for air until the "Goddess" has been "Gagged".

For no other reason than to write this review, I had to get my hands on a copy of Protest's debut album from 2005, Kezia.  I had to hear the roots from which this technical finesse had sprung forth.

Where Kezia seemed like an effort to construct an identity for Protest the Hero, Fortress holds the band much more comfortably within their post-hardcore punk/metal chains.  While the fact that every song on this album is pounding and in your face is a cool aesthetic, it could wear you out from time to time.  Protest only gives you about 45 seconds of breathing time halfway through the album.  

"Palms Read" ends with a chanting anthem ("raise your glass...") that fuzzes away into nothing, before abruptly kicking your ass with one of the most showy displays of technical guitar I have seen in quite some time.  Drop a pompous "circus riff" in there for good measure, and you're launched right into "Limb from Limb", my personal favorite from the album.  "Limb from Limb" employs a Castlevania-esque 8-bit guitar riff section that make me want to loop it forever.

Overall, Protest the Hero has come a long way from it's already dynamite debut album Kezia.  Assuming that they give me enough time to nurse my Fortress-induced wounds, I sincerely look forward to whatever Protest the Hero can craft next.

8.0/10

Drink up, gentlemen!

**Before getting into this album, allow me to apologize for the hiatus. Things have been hectic, but we plan on getting back on track here in the next few weeks with all of the latest albums. To help us, we've recruited a new writer. ALRIGHT. Now that that stuff is over with, let's move on to an album that (unfortunately) has already been out for quite sometime.**

Flogging Molly - Float

Flogging Molly's third full length album is darker than a lot of albums I've heard in the past few years, and certainly the darkest of Molly's collection.

The Molly's have always been a Irish-folk "drinking makes everything better" type band. But the mood on Swagger and Drunken Lullaby's invoked a feeling of lightheartedness when it came to drinking. Drinking made everything more fun. On Float, things are a bit different. Even the album cover carries a gloomy connotation. More of the songs on the album are in a minor key and the lyrical content matches. Perhaps the slowest, saddest orchestration on the record is the title track:

Drank away the rest of the day

Wonder what my liver'd say,

Drink, It's all you can

Blackened days with their bigger gales

Blow in your parlor to discuss the day

Listen, it's all you can

Ah but don't, no, don't sink the boat

That you built, you built to keep afloat

Ah no don't, no don't sink the boat

That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say

No one listens anyway,

Sing, that's all you can

Rambling years of lousy luck

You miss the smell of burnin' turf,

Dream, it's all you can

...and so on. It's only an excerpt, but you get the idea. Although a solid majority of the songs parallel this drunken, bleak pessimism (or perhaps grim realisim), there are upbeat songs interspersed that are reminiscent of the Flogging Molly we all know and love. This album exhibits the most musical growth that the Molly's have shown since their debut record Swagger. It's probably safe to say that come St. Paddy's day when I get together with friends to drink Harp's, smoke cigars, and listen to Molly, the mood will be grim in the event that we choose this album.

That being said, I'm glad Flogging Molly has put out a great new record, and with this degree of maturation, I'm curious to see where they could go next.

7.5/10